Zael speaks about Inclusivity

Favorite coffee drink: An oat milk cappuccino.

Favorite origin: Why would you make me choose one?! I tasted a really good Ugandan coffee at a local coffee shop, and that changed my life. But I'm also connected to Uganda, so maybe I was just being biased? But yeah, I can't get away from Ethiopian or Ugandan coffees

Favorite album to play at work: The new Schoolboy Q album… not that I can play that at work. They’re going to be like ‘Zael plays the new Schoolboy Q album at work?!’ No, I don’t- nobody panic. But that is my album.

“My first job was Java Hut on the coast in San Diego, and it is exactly how it sounds. I am not sure there was coffee in anything at all. It was just like pumping chocolate or milk over everything. And I quit that one really quickly because I was just trying to get experience for the coffee shop where I really wanted to work. I saw them building the new shop and I thought to myself ‘I really need to work there.’

I am still not sure completely what attracted me to this new coffee shop, but I just remember I would drive past it- it was this little cute blue building- and I went in one day and asked ‘can you teach me how to make coffee?’ and the owner Matt said ‘yeah, I can teach you but I can't hire you right now. But I'll teach you.’ So I went to work at Java Hut, and he was teaching me on the side, and then I got a job at another coffee shop. This new job was at a more bougie place, you know avocado toast and cardamom lattes. And then Matt finally hired me after that second coffee shop job. I was at his shop for three years.

I think that being hired and trained by someone who isn’t white really set me up, and made me think ‘yeah, I could do this.’ Sure, we had our issues, but I think because my two bosses at the time were not white and I was not white, that they were always open to listening. I remember that I would tell them something like ‘you hurt my feelings earlier because you said something pretty messed up,’ and they would say ‘oh dude, so what I meant by that was this, and I’m sorry I said that, and I won’t do that anymore.’ It was a teachable moment, and that’s how I learned to communicate in the coffee industry. It may have been bad to be that open with people because when I moved here to Portland from San Diego, I just assumed that white men would listen as well. You know what I mean? Because we all love coffee, so why won’t you just listen? The person who taught me valued me as a person and a barista and from then on, I expected that from other managers and owners.

I started in coffee around the end of 2014, so it's been about 5 years. I only really recognized obstacles in my coffee career when I started expressing more of my culture. Because before, when I first started, I was just focused on coffee, but then once I got more comfortable in coffee, I felt like I could express myself more in these spaces. It's always the small things that get to me. Like customers asking about my appearance, it's really subtle things that build up with me over years and years of being in the coffee industry. Or like customers going over to the person on bar to ask a question, even though I am right there on register, because they are trusting my coworker more. That’s been a big one.

And the worst part about it is that no one wants to talk about any of these conflicts. Customers, management- I am big on discussion. Cause, if you are set in your ways, and I’m set in my ways, ok- nothing is going to happen. We need to be able to talk about the hard things. And ultimately, here, I haven’t been able to find a middle ground with many people, as far as balancing community, and balancing other issues in coffee. There are a lot of issues, and it’s hard to pick one to address in the coffee community, AND feel able to focus at work when you are dealing with challenging customers and not feeling safe.

Recently I applied for a barista position with a popular Portland roasting company. After a few rounds of interviews, I thought it was set in stone- they sure made it sound like it. But then the manager said ‘I just need you to answer these questions.’ They asked me something along the lines of ‘how do you work with someone who is not your ethnicity?’ Those weren’t the exact words, but that was the gist of the question. And like, are they asking white people that same question? I just don’t trust that they are. I answered them as honestly as I could, and I don’t know- I feel like there was no reason I wasn't qualified and I guess that's what everyone's going to say. But I've met the person that did fill that position and I could see why they didn't pick me- because it's about aesthetic.

In my time in the Portland coffee community, I have received support from two industry people, both of them not white. These people have provided continual support even though I have left their shops. And I’ve come back to those shops. It says a lot- that those are the two people that didn’t just have self-interest in mind and could understand where I was coming from, rather than feeling attacked.

At one of my jobs here in Portland, I thought we were curating a welcoming space, but it was only that. It was just curating, and it was for looks. While I was working there, I really did think management at that café was supporting me for a long time- a really long time. I thought I was being really supported and really heard and then it felt like it blew up in my face. I thought they were learning, learning, learning, about paying employees properly and addressing issues within the cafe. Until I realized, oh you don't know what you're doing because you're not hearing me out and you're not paying me properly.

In a way everything before that means nothing. If all you can do is talk about how welcoming you are to black folks, it becomes an obsession. You’re not helping. And somewhere in there working at this one shop, I realized I was just a pawn. I can’t be someone’s teacher while I am living it. I was being tokenized for their image of ‘inclusivity.’ Which hurts when you feel like you are actually friends with someone. But that’s how close it can get, and it’s not just a thing in coffee. It’s a people thing. But it distracts from what matters, which is coffee.

At this café where I thought I was being supported- I did some photo work for them. I had woken up at 5:45 for my open shift, and worked till 12. Then the owner of the company calls me and says ‘I have a photo project for you that needs to be done by tomorrow.’ I had just gotten off work and I had a whole day planned, but I said ok- I’ll get this done. I pushed through that whole day, got the photo project done, and then they said ‘you aren’t going to get paid overtime for this because it was a different job that you were doing.’ I don't feel like that would have happened if one of my co-workers had done the project and had asked for overtime because they had worked a long day. The owner would have probably said ‘sounds good!’ For this extra work they paid me at my barista rate, and they didn’t give me overtime for the extra hours. It should have been at a higher rate to begin with, but then no overtime on top of it?!

I texted the owner saying ‘hey, I just realized I'm getting paid this week- could you let me know what you decided for my photography commission?’ You should have seen the text I got back- ‘it was a privilege for you to do the project, and to be mentored through it.’ It’s because they had me using a new camera they had bought for the shop and someone showed me how to use the new camera! He said ‘you're just getting paid your barista rate but for more hours, but it won't be extra for overtime because it's a different line of work.’ In that sentence isn't he saying- It's a different line of work, we should pay you differently, but then also we're not? That's exactly what happened- they didn’t pay me appropriately for the photo work I did, and I tweeted about it off the clock. I said ‘I hate when white people think saying sorry pays the bills.’ They found that tweet and said it was insubordination. Okayyy- you’re an idiot. You don’t know what insubordination means.

Just to think- they brought me into space, they're all ‘I love black people!’ I put up with all that shit. I put up with so many questions. The manager would make everything a black issue- everything. And that’s what hurt. I was so patient with this guy, and then when I asked him for proper pay- he is supposed to pay me properly, it’s an easy thing to do- he wouldn’t do it. There was another woman I worked with- we were really close-and she is a white woman who says she is always standing up and correcting microaggressions. But she is the one who showed the owner the tweet. 

So after they saw the tweet the owner met me at work to talk. And it got even more gross and fucked up from there. He said ‘I don’t want to fire you because you have an influence.’ He thought because other people had seen the tweet and were liking it that it was being spread around. And it wasn’t really being spread around, but he is just scared of what people think of him. He said “I don’t want to fire you because you have a bond with Jordan.’ A bond with Jordan? Right, because Jordan is the only other black person that works there. I didn’t know what to say. It was so inappropriate, but he thought it was normal, ok behavior.

I essentially said I’m actually okay, let’s just leave this here and find someone to take my position. And he responded ‘well, I don’t want to do that.’ And I said, ‘no, I want to do that.’ But they didn’t really work at finding my replacement, so I just left. I set my last date, and I left.

All we are doing right now is nurturing these companies that don't give a shit about us. People around me say things like ‘just move on, keeping living and doing better- that is proving them wrong.’ But then you’re always going to stand in the shower and think, if I run into this person, what am I going to say? You go over it so many times in your mind asking yourself, why didn’t they care? Or was I communicating enough? We get treated like ‘family,’ you get so close, and then all of a sudden, you get dropped. You sort of just feel stupid. It’s a feeling. Everyone wants the facts like ‘ok this conversation went this way, and that conversation went that way.’ But what matters is the feeling of being fucked over. What feelings are they having that we are so disposable?

It really bums me out that this is experience I’ve had in Portland. Because otherwise, I really do love Portland as a place to live. Essentially you want to enjoy what everyone else is enjoying. But yeah just seems like when people talk about the neighborhoods and how it’s getting busier now, and the construction is loud. I’m like ‘you just walked here with your labradoodle, and you’re drinking your iced oat vanilla latte, and you don’t have shit to do today- you’re going to go read a book in your apartment. And you're complaining about construction but like so many people had to move out of this neighborhood for you to complain. I've been hesitant to talk about moving to LA because in a way it feels like I'm running from something, but I also can't be a punching bag. The people that need to do the work here so that we don’t have to feel like shit- they just don’t give their energy. Because if they acknowledged all the work that needed to be done, it won’t benefit them at all. Current managers wouldn’t be managers, right? I mean they’re just pawns too, in a way, to the supremacy of it all- but they’re not doing anything about it because they are making more money, they are comfortable and can get their free weed. If you are down to live a slow life, which I super am, and you happen to be white and someone offered you a position to manage a coffee shop, you aren’t going to mess that up. Unless you actually care.

At my job in San Diego, they took initiative into creating a solution to the issues I was having. Because even if it wasn't their issue, they weren’t feeling it, they knew I was. It made a difference, it valued me as a person and as a barista. Value doesn't mean we hung out all the time. It just means - this is another human being and their feelings are valid, and I am exhausting them in a way, or someone in my space is exhausting them in some way, and I need to make that stop. Something as simple as walking outside with the person I was having an issue with and just being able to talk about it. Having space to talk without repercussions. Being able to say ‘I don’t like it when customers touch my hair. Can you stand up and saying something? Or I don’t like when customers use the wrong pronoun. Can you help me?’ That’s another small battle I won’t have to deal with alone. Knowing they have my back is so helpful, even if ownership were the ones I was having the issue with. It really does suck to hurt someone, but I think some people retreat in that.

What the coffee world needs more of is black women. Period. I feel like the discussions would be more open, it wouldn’t just be ‘this is the way things are done. If you don’t like it, go work somewhere else.’ I've worked for people who have wanted to hire more black women or people of color or just not white people and I'm not sure they know why they're doing it. It’s like they know it’s what they have to do in their heads- this is the right thing, I have to do it- but they are not really sure why. So then when it comes to that interaction where there is someone of color that's applying without experience and then you have like Mark over here who definitely has experience- do they try something new? That’s why I say black women. Because a black woman, or just a person who isn’t white, wouldn’t treat someone weirdly. You know that feeling when you just know they're treating you differently. They're not saying anything specifically wrong, but you can feel it. I feel like I've been saying it all for a really long time- we all have. Some get it more than others, but everyone has to do something about it now instead of just hiring one person of color, or doing the smallest amount of work to get by and say that they're inclusive before they actually give up any of the power.

My question really is, why are there so many mediocre white men managing coffee shops? And they are asking like, ‘how do we make this place more inclusive,’ you know? It’s just a big power scheme. I was thinking about that on my drive over here- I see these coffee shops that are squeezing so much money out of their baristas workwise, and they are opening new shops, instead of taking care of their baristas. I just can’t imagine pushing so much out of my baristas, and then asking for more.

The Portland coffee scene is really weird to me but at the same time I love how baristas delve into the coffee itself and talk about it. But there is so much surrounding that, that there is no way the people of color and black folks in the coffee industry can even focus on coffee. And the thing is, when people are saying the right things, if you're the first person of color to work in a space and they're saying the right things, if they are only talking to you about your identity or only talking to you about things they would assume pertain to you, then you’re probably not in a safe space.”

Looking to the future, Zael wants to continue learning and evolving the coffee world. “One would to describe my time in coffee: Educational, both good and bad. Even when I learn about the bad parts of coffee, like how money is being pushed out of farmers and baristas, that’s information I can use to hopefully help change things.

I'd like to excel things overseas. I have coffee trees in Uganda, and I am excited about building a facility there. Having the coffee there be enjoyed by the same people who grow it. That is equally as important to me as having people here feel safe going to work, or safe expressing their concerns or their ideas. I want Uganda to flourish because of businesses I eventually own here. I don’t want to just take more from them.

I've been exploring the idea. I never learned how to roast- I know I can, I’ve just been getting sucked into all this mumbo-jumbo with employers. But I would like to somehow have a team that is great at each aspect- roasting, growing, serving. I want to be able to produce something that isn’t only about coffee but that brings money back into the coffee industry. I don't know what to do with coffee, I just know that coffee isn't going to be enough to sustain itself if people are still trying to pay $2 for a cup of drip. So, how do we bring more money into coffee and give that money to the right people?

I've learned a lot of what not to do and I think that's helped me be confident thinking about just opening something small like a little experiment. What happens if we do this right? And when we do it wrong, what happens when we accept that we're doing it wrong? 

Coffee spaces should be inclusive, because where does coffee come from? THIS isn’t it. We are just a stem of it. There are people of color behind coffee, but they aren’t at the forefront, and I don’t know why. Imagine how great it would be if PoC in coffee, all the people that are active in calling problematic behavior out, actually had the support that other white coffee workers had, there would be so many more safe spaces. Cause I love coffee- coffee, it’s not your fault! It’s not your fault, little beans!”